You Named Me What?

In the Sixties, inspired no doubt by industrial strength LSD, otherwise normal people started naming their children ridiculous things like ‘Sunbeam’ and ‘Starshine’.

Thankfully, time has moved on. Now, it seems, it’s only the most self-obsessed celebrities that give their offspring names you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy. And here are 10 of the very worst.

10: Apple and Moses

Tiresome, self-satisfied musician Chris Thingy and tiresome, self-satisfied actress Gwyneth Paltrow clearly thought that Apple was an appropriate name of a girl.

They then went one worse by calling their second child after the father of the Israeli nation, Moses. What were they thinking?

9: Moon Unit

Frank Zappa’s eldest daughter was lumbered with the name Moon Unit. Of course, she followed in family tradition by calling her own daughter Mathilda Plum.

8: Jermajesty

Just to disprove the idea that Michael was the only ‘Wacko Jacko’ brother Jermaine called his son ‘Jermajesty’.

7: Kal-El

Elvis and Superman fanatic Nic Cage called his first born ‘Kal-El’, which apparently was Superman’s birth name. It seems Elvis Superman Presley Cage was too obvious.

6: Moxie Crimefighter

Magician Penn Jillette’s first child. This is a girl’s name, apparently.

5: Lark Song

The choice of ’60s throwbacks Mia Farrow and Andre Previn.

4: Fifi Trixibell

First of two entries for Paula Yates – Fifi is the daughter of that nice Sir Bob Geldof , who really should know better.

3: Princess Tiaamii

British glamour model Jordan and her ridiculous ex-pop star husband Peter Andre thought this was a great idea for a child’s name.

2: Sage Moonblood

Sylvester Stallone was obviously reading a lot of Conan books when he named his son this.

1: Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily

Possibly the worst children’s name in the history of mankind. Proud parents : Paula Yates and Michael Hutchence.