Lies Your Parents Told You

I’m in my late thirties now and it has suddenly occurred to me just how strange my, and I presume your, parents were when I was younger.

I keep remembering all those weird lies they told me when I was a kid. So here’s a few of the best:

“If you swallow melon seeds, a melon will grow in your stomach” – Um, why did they tell me this. Did they have a deal with a local therapist? Who knows.

“If you swallow chewing gum, it will stick your insides together.” – This one used to terrify me.

[Said when I was pulling a strange expression] “If the wind changes, you’ll stay like that” – This didn’t even make sense at the time.

“If you sit too close to the television, you’ll go blind” – There were lots of other lies they told about things that would make me go blind, but this was the first.

“If you eat lots of carrots, you can see in the dark” – Um, not after sitting so close to the television, I can’t.

“If you’re bad, Santa Claus won’t bring you any presents” – This is actually true, right ?

“If you go out dressed like that, you’ll catch a cold” – The common cold is a virus. It has nothing to do with the weather.

There’s probably plenty more but those are the ones that have stayed with me all this time.